Random Musings

Apathetic Way To Be

2008-01-27T12:50:00.000-07:00

I am currently suffering from ennui. I am not depressed or sad or anything like that, I just feel melancholy. And I am bored, oh, so bored. I miss having a large group of friends. Don't get me wrong, I am very content with my small circle, but I have been feeling lonely the past few weeks. It is mostly my fault as I don't make very much effort to change this state of being, but the ennui is prohibiting any effort that I would make.

Work has been hard so far this year. I have been feeling overwhelmed and under-appreciated. Every month, our company does random surveying of five families, and this months' were bad. A few family members ripped into my department for stupid reasons (one being that we didn't have a wii for the residents yet) and it hit harder than usual for some reason. I give my all to my job, and it just doesn't seem like it is enough. I even feel like my staff is disappointed in me. And, people keep dying! I know that this is normal for my job, especially this time of year, but it is hard to not be affected by it. Hopefully all this work stuff and ennui is just the January blahs, and therefore will only last for one more week.

School started a few weeks ago. I am only taking two classes, and one of them is snowboarding. It is a pretty fun class, and I am basically getting one on one instruction so I am learning a lot. But, this last week, I fell hard on my first run of the day and bruised my tailbone. I have not been able to sit comfortably since!:(

Best of 2007

2007-12-27T11:30:00.000-07:00

I guess it is time for another "best of list"!

Best Album: Fall EP- Jon Foreman; Singularity- Mae; Life In Cartoon Motion- Mika; Wincing The Night Away- The Shins; Cigarettes and Gasoline- Emerson Hart; Afterwords-Collective Soul; Echos, Silence, Patience, and Grace- Foo Fighters

Best Concert:
Mae at the Avalon was really good. The power was out for the first part of it, and they had to hook up the mics to the tour bus batteries. And of course, the Switchfoot/Relient K concert in Seattle was great.

Best Song:
The Cure For Pain by Jon Foreman; Starlight by Muse (I know that this came out last year, but I have heard it a ton this year); I Wish The Best For You by Emerson Hart; Long Road To Ruin by Foo Fighters

Worst Song:
Umbrella by Rihanna. Or that Tattoo song by the one American Idol chic. And Bubbly by Colbie Caillat

Returning TV Show:
The Office, Psych, The Colbert Report

New TV Show:
Pushing Daisies

Best TV show that didn't get renewed:
Veronica Mars

Best Movie:
August Rush, Hairspray, Stardust

Worst Movie:
License to Wed. As much as I love Mandy Moore and John Krasinski, this movie was really bad. I almost walked out of the theatre, but I kept waiting for it to get better.

Guilty Pleasure:
The Disney Channel, The Twilight Series, Gossip Girl

Another Video.....

2007-10-24T21:36:00.001-07:00

Iran.... I ran. Get it?:) I still think Columbia University is full of idiots.
And Adam Levine is super hot.
Do you know who else I think is pretty darn good looking? Stephen Colbert. It may only be since he decided to run for president, it's hard to tell for sure, but he totally has my vote. Too bad I don't live in South Carolina... that vote will never be cast. Is it sad that everything I know about politics comes from SNL, The Colbert Report, and The Daily Show?

Watch this----- Hi-Larious

2007-10-24T21:22:00.001-07:00

Speaking of Jon Bon, Jovi Punch!

We're halfway there

2007-10-14T14:00:00.000-07:00

Man, that Bon Jovi is hot. I swear, everytime I see him, he gets more yummy. I am watching him host SNL right now, and trying to do homework. I had to give up on the homework cause I just couldn't concentrate with him on the screen. That is at least the excuse I am going to stick with because I really don't want to write this paper. It isn't even that difficult. I had to interview someone in the Social Work profession and write three pages about it. The problem I am having is trying to stretch that interview out. I have one page done and almost all of my material is gone. I am now starting to make stuff up.
P.S. I can't leave out Mr. Richie Sambora. He is darn good looking also.

Fun With Lepers or Kiss My Scurvy

2007-09-12T19:55:00.000-07:00

What are: appropriate titles for how my life is right now:). It's not really bad, just kinda boring I guess.
I have found my new love in life. His name is Edward and he happens to be a vampire. Oh my gosh... I read all three of those vampire love books in record time. Faster than I ever read Harry Potter. I borrowed the third from a friend Sunday afternoon and finished it that night. They aren't literary masterpieces by any stretch of the imagination, but they are so good and such easy reads! And, being that I have no love life to speak of, I have been living vicariously through those books. And now, they are over. Done. Finished. I either need a new book to read or a boyfriend, and I think the latter is not going to be happening anytime soon. I think I would rather have a book anyway. They are much easier to deal with and can keep me entertained better:).

Brink of Disaster

2007-09-05T19:10:00.000-07:00

I have a traffic analogy. There is this little car (let's call him Frank) driving down the road. It decides to take a route, and finds green lights and no curves stretching as far as the eye can see. Frank drives along a certain distance and comes to a giant roadblock at the edge of a canyon in this perfect and easy travelling road. He is very disappointed and doesn't really know what to do. Does he turn around and head back, or does he back up and try to jump to schism? Now Frank doesn't want to drop down into the water (he has had certain experience rescuing people from drowning in the depths of canyon waters). But, he doesn't really want to backtrack either. Quite the conundrum.
Pinkie and I went to a cool concert last night. We went to see Mae, but wanted to get there late because there were two opening bands. The concert started at 7:30, and we showed up around 8. It was at The Avalon which is a really small arena (300 people) and as we were walking in, we realized how dark it was. The power was out! We go into the theatre and noticed people scurrying about trying to get the concert going in the dark. They hooked up the mics to the battery from the tour bus and put candles and glow sticks all around the stage. It was awesome! The first band started playing an acoustic set. It was very rock-and-roll. About halfway through their set, the power came back on. They finished up acoustic and then everything had to be reset for the second band. It stopped being awesome about then:). Finally at about 10, Mae came on. That is when the awesomeness returned. They were great, and it was so fun to watch them in such a small setting.

We've Only Just Begun

2007-08-19T14:04:00.000-07:00

It has been awhile. I can't believe that summer is almost over and school starts this week. I love school and I am excited to be going. I am also excited that summer- the actual season- is almost over. I love the fall! It is so nice and cool, and I can break out the hoodies again:). Who doesn't love hoodies?
Does anyone ever have those times that you are just cranky? Work has seemed unbearable this week and I don't know if I was in a bad mood because of work, or if work was awful because of my mood. We are short staffed and I have been having to pick up the slack. I have been doing 3-4 different jobs a day, and trying to stay on top of my own job, which in and of itself has been very difficult. I had to work six days, only getting paid for five might I add, and all of those days I was on my feet constantly. After listing all this, I think my bad mood may have been caused by work:).
There have been some good things. Um.... So You Think You Can Dance had it's finale and my favorite girl won. That was good. And let's see.....um..... I think that might be it. I guess you can call me Debbie Downer.
So, Good Morning America called my house yesterday looking for my ex sister-in-law. Apparently she has the same name as the ex-wife of one of the miners who died last week. You would think that they would check these things out before they start calling random people.
There are so many movies out right now! I saw Stardust yesterday and it was really good! It was kinda weird, but fun. And, I read Harry Potter 7 in a 24 hour period a couple weeks ago. There are also a lot of good summer shows back on. Like Psych. I love that show! And.... High School Musical 2 was on the other day!!! I have not watched it yet, but it is waiting for me on the tivo:).

Give Your Immortality To Me

2007-07-15T14:54:00.000-07:00

I am officially old. Last Saturday, I turned 24, and nothing says Happy Birthday like a broken foot. I guess it was just a sprain, but it still hurts. I have been hobbling around all week much to the amusement of my friends and coworkers:). It was doing so much better, but then I went to the gym yesterday, and I think I may have aggravated it a little too much.
August 8th is my work Lagoon day and I have a couple tickets left. They are 14 dollars and the food all day is free. If anyone wants to come, let me know. It is always tons of fun.
Other than the foot thing, things are same ol' same ol', which is kinda nice. My life (outside of work) has been very quiet. Mostly just trying to stay out of the heat in my air conditioned apartment. But, soon, I will be ready to get back out there and party!:) Well, maybe I won't be quite that ambitious, but I will sure as heck try.

Love Today

2007-06-19T19:43:00.000-07:00

The past couple weeks have been pretty good. Really, this year as a whole hasn't been too bad. What has made it better is the fact that I am now back to living on my own. I love being independent. I moved into a two bed/two bath apartment on the east side about a week and a half ago. I am happy here. I only have one roommate, and we get along really well. I think what helps that is that we have pretty different schedules, so she doesn't really have a chance to get sick of me:). With these new digs comes the opportunity to meet new people. I haven't yet, but I fully intend too. Also, there is a pool here, and I am excited to work on my tan and get in a few laps:).
In the past few days, I have been to two weddings. I went to one of my best friends and former roommate's wedding on Friday. It was a very nice and simple wedding. I also got to see a friend from the Orlando days that I hadn't seen in years, and we spent about two hours catching up. Tonight I went to the infamous Mr. Bushman's reception. It was great to see him so happy! I also saw and old friend there. These weddings did kind of make me miss the old days and the old crowd. But, I had an even more profound breakthrough. I am happy with my life. I am happy being single! Weddings used to make me a little sad, but seeing my friends so happy was the most awesome feeling. I am hoping to get more invitations for the summer!:)

Let's Face The Music And Dance

2007-05-27T18:07:00.000-07:00

Three day weekends are my favorite. Although I spent the better part of yesterday working out in the yard, I still did a lot of fun stuff. I started out the day by finally going to a breakfast buffet. Mmmmmmm. Then, later in the afternoon, I went to IKEA!!!!! It was great. Then I saw Pirates 3, which was pretty good, but way too long.
The best part of the weekend was going to IKEA. I am moving into an apartment in about 2 weeks, so I went in search of some new stuff. I need a bookshelf, tv stand and queen mattress. Problem: I have no way of getting a queen mattress anywhere, so before I get that, I need some kind person to help me with it. I found a bookcase and tv stand, however, I did not buy them. I will get them when it gets a little closer. I did buy some other stuff though, and I only spent 20 bucks! I got a new wok (totally been wanting one for forever), glasses, flexible cutting boards, a knife block, and these really cool cheese graters with little bowls attached to them. I was very proud of myself. I will be getting most of my stuff from there to furnish my new apartment.
A little about my new digs. It is a two bedroom, two bathroom that I will be sharing with my friend Jessica. She actually already lives there, and I will be taking over for her roommate. It is on Highland and about 80th south. The apartment has a balcony that looks over the whole valley. It is really pretty. And there is a washer and dryer in the apartment. Awesome :).
Well, there is still one more day left in this weekend. I will probably continue the search for a new mattress. If anyone knows of any good deals, let me know:)

But I haven't thought of you lately at all

2007-05-17T20:00:00.000-07:00

I am in the depths of despair. I know it is my own fault, but I can't help it. As soon as I realize that I am into it, it ends. I am, of course, talking about a tv show. Veronica Mars to be exact. I just got hooked this season, and they announce today that they are cancelling it. I have the worst luck when it comes to tv shows. Examples: Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip, 6 Degrees, etc..... Granted, those didn't even make it a season, and V.M. went 3 seasons, but still. The worst part is that I don't think that they are going to have a satisfactory end. The season finale is coming up real soon, and I am pretty sure that they won't re shoot it. Dangit. I am fuming mad.

Other than that, I am very happy in my life. I finally reached this point where I am completely content. I think this might have something to do with the fact that I could care less about guys. I guess it takes getting your heart broken to reach this point. But, I am very glad that it did happen cause I am happier than I have been in a while. Now if I could just find a place to live.......

Let It All Out

2007-05-01T15:53:00.000-07:00

I didn't have to work today. My work has decided to have a manager on duty on the weekends, so I will be working one Saturday a month. That Saturday happens to be this Saturday, thus enabling me to take a day off during the week. In my mind, I had planned out a list of things to do. First on that list was to sleep in. Unfortunately, my body clock had other ideas. In waking up early, my mind thought that I could accomplish more. So, I showered, cleaned my room, the living room, and straightened up the kitchen. I was done with all that before ten. I turned on the TV and realized that What Not To Wear was on. I watched that and downloaded that last two episodes of Ugly Betty that I missed. After What Not To Wear, I hooked my iPod up to the tv and watched the episode that iTunes said was the first one. The whole time, I felt like I was coming in at half-time. I felt like I was missing a few things, but I trust iTunes. It was a good episode, so I was excited to watch the next one. I pressed play and soon realized that this was the one I should have watched first. I was very sad. Not only did I know exactly where it was going, I now have to wait til Thursday to find out where the first episode that I watched will take me. It was about 12:30 by this time and I couldn't think of anything else to do, so I decided to watch another movie. I put in In Her Shoes, and Duckling brought over Chinese and we watched it while she wrote her paper. After that was over, What I Like About You was on. Two episodes. So I watched that. Duckling and Pinkie left to turn in their papers, and I still couldn't think of anything to do so I scrolled through the channels. Spiderman 2 is on, and that brings me to the present time. I am writing this blog and watching Spiderman 2. I have spent the past hour before writing this blog looking on the internet for fun restaurants to visit for our Wednesday dinners. And, I found that the Living Traditions Festival (multi-cultural food festival) is May 18-20.
After this incredibly productive day, I realized that I shouldn't take days off during the week. I get way too bored. I have to start thinking of errands I could run. I could always go shopping.......
I just remembered that on my list of things to do was laundry, so I am off to do that.

Nausea

2007-04-28T18:58:00.000-07:00

Did you know that McSomethingkins can't do cartwheels? What a sad, sad existence.

Awakening

2007-04-14T00:45:00.000-07:00

So, here is the music video for my favorite song as of right now. I am not sure how I feel about it, because it is a great song, and I feel like the video may take away from that. But, there are some funny actors in it and Switchfoot gave a valid explanation as to why they didn't make it along the story line of the song, so I guess I will try to get used to it.

The future is a question mark of kerosene, electric sparks

2007-03-25T14:03:00.000-07:00

I have decided that I have a new calling in life. I am going to become a french fry connoisseur. Do you think that the food network will give me my own show? I would call it One French Fry Short of a Happy Meal. How awesome would that be? In the spirit of this new life choice, I would like to put together a list of the best french fries I have had. These are in no particular order, and feel free to add to the list! Especially places that I have not tried.
MacCool's Pub: I think I could eat those tasty morsels of fried sweet potatoes for every meal.
Mazza: Another place that I am eternally indebted to McSomethingkins for introducing me to. I am pretty sure that they double fry their fries and they have really good dipping sauce.
Pinocchio's Village Haus: At this lovely place in Magic Kingdom, Disney World, Orlando they take normal fries and add liquid cheese, bacon, lettuce, tomatoes, and ranch dressing. I of course would get mine without the healthy stuff. Ewwwwww.
Sconecutter: Their spicy fries and the smiley face fries are mighty tasty.
Red Robin: The best part about these fries is the seasoning salt that is on the table and the fact that they are bottomless:).
Smith's Deli: Yes the grocery store. And I guess that they are not really french fries, but potato wedges, but man alive those things are good. Just a tip though, don't buy a pound and eat them all in one night.
Astro Burger and Wendy's: These two places are both pretty good, but not good enough to each have their own entry. Astro burger has really good fry sauce. Wendy's fries are good when they are really fresh but really gross when they are not fresh. That is one thing about all fries however. Stale fries are super icky. At Wendy's I used to be able to buy a little side of liquid cheese and bacon bits and make pseudo-figaro fries. But, alas, no more.
Dees: Cheese fries with their ranch. Mmmmmmm.
Any little ma and pa diner: I don't think that they change the frying grease very often and that adds a little extra kick. And normally the potatoes are fresh and the fry sauce is super good.
The Cheesecake Factory: Their fries are crispy on the outside and soft in the middle.
Applebees: Their fries are ok, but they have this asiago cheese dipping sauce. It isn't made for the fries, but a sirloin sandwich. I order a side for my fries though.
Wow. I should probably stop eating all this really bad food.

Gearin' up for a social accident

2007-02-05T19:08:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder how I continue to function in this world. My social skills and abilities are rapidly decreasing. I have no idea how this happened! I used to be quite the little social butterfly. I thrived in large groups. I don't know if it is a side effect of getting older, or if it is a problem embedded in the deep layers of my mind, but group situations are defiantly not comfortable to me anymore. In fact, they scare me to death. I get so nervous that I can't form sentences or talk coherently. Even thinking about it gives me the hebbie jebbies. And, this social anxiety not only has an impact on me. I used to be the planner and could plan a party on a minute's notice. I was even going to go into event planning as a career. But now, I don't want to plan anything. All I want is to be with a few friends at a time. When I am in a group larger than four, I freeze up. It takes an enormous amount of effort for me to even be in groups larger that that, let alone function normally in one. However, when I get in smaller groups, I can't shut up. I think that all my conversation saves itself for those times.

Cry On Demand

2007-01-28T17:21:00.000-07:00

I just saw a Kleenex commercial (one of the ones where people are sitting on a couch in the middle of the city talking) and the girl telling her story said something that hit me. She said: "My tears don’t compromise my strength. They never have." I am the type of person who hates to cry around people. To me, it is admitting defeat. I am much too proud to acknowledge that people have enough hold on me to affect my emotions. As much as I like to think that this is true, it isn't. My feelings are way too dependant on others. Mostly my sorrow is in solitude, or with my closest friends. Conversely, my happiness and joy are not always apparent. It has come to my attention recently that this trait makes me seem unapproachable and rude. I don't want to be this way anymore. I want people to know how I feel about them, how much I care, but my defense mechanism just doesn't let me. I need help getting past this. I want to be able to have a normal and functional relationship. There are so many things that I have missed out on in life by not being able to let certain people know my true feelings. I try so hard to keep myself from getting hurt by others that I hurt myself. No more I say!
I just realized that I set out to write this post about something completely different than what it turned into. Maybe I will revisit the intended topic at a later time.

Best of 2006

2006-12-27T18:07:00.000-07:00

Album
I really enjoyed Live At The Electric Factory by The Fray, but I think the winner in this category would have to be Oh! Gravity. by Switchfoot. I just got it a couple days ago, and already love it.
Concert
Unfortunately, I only went to about 4-5 concerts this year and 3 of them were Switchfoot. The best out of those would have to be the show I saw at the House of Blues in Vegas. That is such an awesome venue.
Song
At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I will have to say Awakening from the new Switchfoot CD. Even if you are not a fan, check out this song. I absolutely love it. Honorable mentions go to Hands Open by Snow Patrol, Crystal Ball by Keane, and Hate Me and Into The Ocean by Blue October.
Returning TV Show
The Office. No competition.
New TV Show
I have gotten into Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip. Also, Psych is hilarious.
Worst Returning Show
Lost. I stopped watching after the second episode.
New Discovery
The Food Network. Alton Brown is my hero.
Guilty Pleasure
The Disney Channel (Phil of the Future, Hannah Montana, High School Musical....)
Movie
I can't quite decide in the category. There have been a lot of good and cute movies, but not that I can think of that deserve the title of "Best Of 2006." Feel free to comment with suggestions.
Worst Movie
The Benchwarmers, Step Up, and Stick It!

If anyone can think of any additional categories, let me know.

We can hardly stand the wait, please Christmas don't be late.

2006-11-29T09:41:00.000-07:00

As the Post Nazi so kindly reminded me, it is time to post again.

Is anyone else as happy about the snow as I am? There is something so incredibly calm about looking out at fresh fallen snow. Although the calmness tends to disappear when one ventures onto the roads, it is still so beautiful. I love winter. I love December. There are so many good things about that month. I love Christmas. Let's begin the countdown, shall we? http://www.washingtonmo.com/Christmas/countdown.htm

This year, there is one more great thing about December. My favorite band has a new CD coming out the day after Christmas. I pre-ordered it online yesterday, and by doing so, I get a Christmas card signed by the band:). I am pretty darn excited about that. How about a countdown to the release of the much anticipated Oh! Gravity? http://www.cmspin.com/ Or, just add one day to the countdown above.

Nothing Left To Lose

2006-11-13T13:05:00.000-07:00

Blind dates suck. On Saturday, I had the unfortunate experience of having one. My coworker decided that I don't date enough, and that she would remedy that situation. She informed me (not asked me) that I would be going with her and her husband and a random boy Saturday. I didn't want to go, but I figured, what could it hurt? It turns out, it could hurt a lot. The one day I have plans is the day that this guy that I have been wanting to ask me out for weeks, decides to ask me out. And, the guy I ended up going out with was a real jerk. He spent the entire night talking to my coworker and her husband since they have known each other for years, but not seen each other in a long time. He also talked a lot about his ex-fiance and all these hot girls that he knows. He even answered his phone a couple times (my biggest date pet peeve.) I wanted to punch him so badly! I can't believe I had to give up a date I really wanted to go on for a night of disrespect. We had all met at my friend's house, and I had the urge to get up and walk out many times since I had my car there. But, I suffered through it, and now I have a good bad date story.

Here In Pleasantville

2006-11-07T14:01:00.000-07:00

I have been somewhat reluctant to write a new blog as of late. I don't want Aaron to attack my grammar again. I will try really hard to use proper syntax, but I fear I will fall short as writing is not one of my strong points.
My phone is dead. Gone. Lost for all time. I kind of dropped it into a cup of water last week, and it has not been fixed. I am going to try to make it to the Tmobile store today and see if they can fix it for me. I paid a lot of money for this phone, and I really do not want to buy a new one:(. Luckily, I have my company cell phone, so I am still reachable. If any of you need the number, email me, or call my regular cell phone and the new number is on the voice mail. Hopefully, I will be able to use my old number soon.
I am so happy that it is November! Every morning I wake up and look out the window hoping to see snow. Alas, there hasn't been any yet, but it is coming soon. I feel it in me bones. *note to editor (aaron): I know that says 'me' and not 'my'. I did that on purpose. So there.*
I guess this is going to be a short blog. My life is still incredibly boring.

I thought of just your face, relaxed, and floated into space

2006-10-26T21:33:00.000-07:00

We had one of our world famous BINGO tourney's tonight. At one of our counts, there were over 140 people there. We crammed them all into a space that is only made for about 70..... I am glad that the fire marshall didn't show up. It was my first big event as Activity Director, and it ran quite smoothly. I was pretty happy because it showed the big guns that I am good at my job. We also let the grandkids run around a trick-or-treat to the rooms. We provided the candy that the residents handed out, and I spent hours sorting through it today. Everyone seemed to have a lot of fun, so I was very pleased.
As opposed to last week, I feel a lot better about many aspects of my life. The job is better, I have a few new prospects on the horizon, and this weather is fantastic! I loved seeing the snow yesterday! My favorite time of year starts after Halloween, so only a couple more days! I am going to St. George this weekend, so I will not be in the cold anymore. That does put a damper on my mood, but, I am pretty sure that I ate my weight in pumpkin chocolate cookies today, so I will be okay. Come to think of it, I have some left......
Also, today, I bought the 13th and final book of A Series of Unfortunate Events. I am excited to read it on the 3 hour car ride that I will go on this weekend. Yippee!

I will follow you into the dark

2006-10-23T20:48:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, I had a lady at work pass away. It was very sad, but not unexpected. I went into work this morning to find out her husband had passed away over the weekend. They were both amazing people. They were so funny and had accomplished so much in their lives. The husband was an amazing piano player, with only nine fingers. He played the circuits in Vegas most of his life for all the greats. The building feels so empty without them. It seems a little more dreary. I think his death hit the other residents harder than any death before. Even though both of them will be missed, there is something so sweet about how quickly he followed her. I think that he truly died of a broken heart. A few of us at work were discussing this today. He has been sick for a while now, but his health was improving so much. We think he just lost all desire to continue on in life. Not to be morbid or insensitive, but that is just about the most romantic thing I have ever heard:)

Everybody Hurts

2006-10-11T18:32:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think that God hates me:(.
I have had a really yucky past couple weeks. Nothing seems to go my way. I have been sick, and I can't stop coughing. People keep dying. The amount of friends that want to hang out with me keeps decreasing (but the quality of people who still want to be my friends makes it worth it), and apparently at my work today, they had a meeting about how awful I am at my job. I took today off since I am working Saturday, and some of the other managers saw this as a great opportunity to stab me in the back. The dining room manager has it out for me because she wants my job and the head boss doesn't like me because I am so young. So today, they just ripped into me saying that I don't do enough activities out on the floor and in the cottage. The girl that I share my office with informed me off all that happened and that she was trying to stand up for me, but nobody paid attention. There were a couple more that were trying to inform them that we do as much as humanly possible, but the others didn't listen. It just makes me mad that people who have never even bothered to see what I do try to criticize it. And to top it off, it was behind my back. If they wanted to make a difference they wouldn't have waited to talk about it on a day that I wasn't there, they would have brought it up in a constructive manner. I cried for a good couple hours after I heard about it. I have been busting my butt trying to do the best I can. I hardly have time to do the stuff I am supposed to do like paper work and making the newsletter because I am always doing activities. And my assistants are so good. They are always trying to make people happy. And the residents are very happy. That is what really matters. I just wish that people would shut their mouths when they don't know what they are talking about. They should all come and try to do my job for a while and maybe they will realize that it is not as easy as they think.

Stuck in a moment you can't get out of

2006-10-06T22:14:00.000-07:00

I had another weird dream last night. I scheduled Switchfoot to come and entertain the oldies at my work because the band was doing some kind of community outreach program. However, our normal entertainment room wasn't large enough, so they had to perform in our exclusive outdoor ampitheatre. It was pretty strange.
In real life today at work we took a trip to the Tracy Aviary. We took this man whose wife has been really bad the past couple days, and he just needed to get away. I think he had a great time, but he felt kinda sick towards the end. We got back to the building and found out that his wife had died while we were gone. I felt so bad. I shouldn't have let him come. She wasn't supposed to die for a couple more days. Maybe is was a good thing that he wasn't there. Her daughter was with her, so she wasn't alone. Maybe she didn't want him around when she died. I don't know. I just hope that they don't hate me.

The Road To Mandalay

2006-10-04T07:40:00.000-07:00

I took today off. I have been sick with bronchitis and a sinus infection for a couple weeks, and I have not been able to take a day off. Finally, a day came that I was not needed at work, so I stayed home. It is kinda nice. I didn't get to sleep in, however. Last night I had to sleep with this machine on my finger. It is supposed to test my oxygen levels while I am sleeping. We are trying to figure out why I am so tired all the time. My doctor thinks it is sleep apnea. I think that it is something in my nose that doesn't let me breath and needs to be removed. But, maybe my doc is right. I figured that I would give it a chance. Anywho, this machine was awful! It had this green flashing light that blinked in my eyes all night. And, it hurt my finger. I still have this indentation from it. I don't know how it was supposed to test my oxygen while I was asleep because I didn't sleep at all. It was very uncomfortable. I guess I did sleep a little because I had another very weird dream. I was with a bunch of friends in St. George, and we all won Porsches. But, a certain friend of mine wasn't happy with the Porsche that he had won. So he kept trying to steal mine. I didn't want to give him mine. It was red. And fast. My friend had a silver one that had a little less horsepower and he wanted to trade. So, I decided to hurry and leave the car dealer in St. George and hide out somewhere else. One of the car dealer employees was still in my car when I decided that I needed to leave, so he came with. I had a couple other people with me too, and we took off for home. My friend who wanted my car started chasing me in his car. So we had to lose him. We hid out at a friends house, but he found us and stole my car. I was not happy. A few other things happened that I can't remember, and then I woke up. But, now, I really want a fast sports car.

Chasing Cars

2006-09-20T21:37:00.000-07:00

I have logged on to write a post many times in the past couple days, but I just can't think of anything to write. Even now, I have nothing to say, but it is late and I can't sleep, so here we go.

I am very excited for tomorrow! It is the season premiere of Grey's Anatomy! Last season's finale was on tonight, and it made me sad:(. I just can't help but see that Denny and swoon. But, I knew at the end I would wind up crying, just like I did the first time. I am interested to see tomorrow where they take the characters this season.

So, I thought that I would be less busy now that my assistant started, but I am not. I have been trying to get her trained, and I don't feel like I am making a ton of progress. I have been trying to get her comfortable driving the van, but she still kinda scares me. I am hoping that once she gets used to it, it will get better. *Crossing my fingers*. There are a lot of other things at work that are keeping me really busy. We are changing our meal setups, and there is talk of moving the activity department down to the first floor. This idea does not appeal to me much. Not only does it mean getting used to a whole new space and schedule, it also means that I will lose my office. And my office right now is really nice! I have my own bathroom! It is pretty freakin awesome! I really don't want to move, but the might just make me. Grrrrrr.

Well, I am getting pretty sleepy. I guess I am not that sleepy, but I am watching Friends, and this typing is very distracting. So, McSomethingkins, here is the post. And thanks for inviting me to tea.

Into The West

2006-09-05T20:58:00.000-07:00

For a while now, there has been some talk of having a LOTR marathon. I have the perfect time. I realize that this may be a little far in advance, but I think that the Saturday after Thanksgiving will be a good time. I guess we could get together any Saturday, but after Thanksgiving, there will be a ton of leftover food for us to eat while watching 13 hours of movies. We can't do it the day after Thanksgiving because that is shopping day. All of us here right now can make it that day. I want all the fun people to come, so maybe letting everyone know this far in advance is a good thing. And Mcsomethingkins, we checked, and that is your off week (we think)! Hope to see everyone there:)!

The Everglow

2006-09-03T19:39:00.000-07:00

Mae is coming in concert this Wednesday. I am trying to decide if I wanna go or not. I have not been to a concert in way too long, but the venue is no good, and I don't really want to pay for it. I will probably not decide til Wednesday.
Well, I officially dropped out of all my classes. I figured that it wasn't worth paying a thousand bucks for only one class. I will take the exact same schedule next semester. It will be so much better then. My assistant will be fully trained, and I will be able to do whatever I want. Wahoo.

Paperclips

2006-08-24T19:06:00.000-07:00

I am so mad! I went to campus tonight for class, and as it turns out my class was moved! It is no longer Tuesday and Thursday, it is Monday and Wednesday. This is a total conflict with a ton of other things! Also, my only friend in the class dropped it too. I want to drop it so bad, but I am going to stick it out. Even though I missed the first day yesterday, I will keep on keepin on. Just in case, I am not opening my book until I go Monday. I don't want lose the 120 bucks that I paid for it.

Other than that stupid mistake, I am still super stressed with my job. But, that should be lessening soon. I have my first non-six day work week next week in a long time (aside from Moab, but that doesn't count.) I should be having more help within a couple weeks. I am pretty excited about that.

*I}+9o-0p (that is a message from the stupid cat who just jumped on my keyboard)

Message In A Bottle

2006-08-20T20:10:00.000-07:00

I officially hate my stupid computer. I think that the virus that has been lurking in the shadows of my hard drive finally surfaced. I had to wipe my hard drive clean and completely start over. I tried to solve the problem without doing that, but I got really frustrated and got out my backup windows disk. I erased everything and reinstalled windows. This means that I don't have anything that I had saved on my computer. Luckily, I had backed up all my music and movies a couple weeks ago and had been intending on deleting most everything anyway. This was just the fast way to do it. After installing windows, I couldn't get my wireless network to work. I was getting super frustrated because I couldn't find any information on how to fix it in any of the manuals. After a few hours of searching, I found the solution. I had to reinstall all the drivers for my computer from the HP website. Problem: I can't access the internet without a wireless driver. Well, that isn't entirely true. I had to walk upstairs and unplug the other computer and plug this one in. I got it all worked out, and am typing this from the comfort of my wireless network:). I am now in the process of trying to get back my programs that were deleted. I just downloaded itunes, which is the most important. I need to get Microsoft office again, but I don't want to pay for it. I will probably give in, because I need it. Unless anyone has a pirated copy...... Itunes just finished downloading, and looking at it makes me a little sad. It is soooo empty! I have nothing left! But, my computer is running fast and great, so I guess it will all be worth it in the end. Hopefully.

While taking care of all this computer junk, the tv has been on the Teen Choice Awards. I caught a glimpse of my little Benji in the audience, but that was one of the only good parts. The result "envelopes" were kinda cool. They were slips of paper in bottles. Aside from that, I can't believe how little self respect some people have for themselves! Watching how some of the girls acted made me ashamed for all woman kind. I realize that you all have great bodies and want to flaunt them, but don't wear bikinis and sit in a hot tub in front of the podium. Please. Develop some respect for yourselves. Grrrrrrr.

Dizzy

2006-08-18T09:12:00.000-07:00

What a roller coaster of a week. I have had such highs and lows that I feel a little nauseated. Monday was a pretty good day, nothing spectacular. Tuesday wasn't so good. Wednesday started out bad, but then got good. Thursday started out good, but then got bad. On Wednesday work was pretty frustrating, but then I got to go to a meeting that was very affirming, then I went home and watched the finale of So You Think You Can Dance, and it was great! My cute little Benji totally won! Pinkie and I were beside ourselves with excitement:). Moving on to Thursday.... Work was pretty good, but then I went home. We ended up taking my dad to the ER (again) last night and Pinkie and I were there for what seemed like days, but it was mere hours. I think we were there about 4 or 5. And, it was 64 degrees in the waiting room. I could tell because there was a thermometer on the clock. I, luckily, had brought a sweater, but the Pinkie wasn't so fortunate. Even with my sweater, I was freezing! The hospital finally gave us some blankets that had been heated, so that was nice. But, the heat only lasted for a couple minutes, and then we were left with these wimpy little pieces of worn through cloth. Luckily we had control of the TV in the waiting room, so we watched some Friends, Simpsons, Seinfeld, Yes Dear, and finally The Carson Daly Show. He is a dork by the way. I had my ipod with me, but I hadn't charged it in a while, so it died after I had watched an episode of Psych. So, I was very grateful for the TV. Pinkie slept for about an hour in one of the chairs which was good because she had to go to work at 6 this morning. I didn't really sleep, but I didn't have to come in til 9. I think we got home a little before 2, so it wasn't too bad compared to the other times we have spent in hospital waiting rooms. We went because my dad was having some kind of allergic reaction to some medication. He was very puffy and he couldn't talk because of the swelling. They gave him some epinephrine, and that helped a little, but he was still very swollen. They finally admitted him because they found that he had pneumonia and some heart problems. I think. Nobody ever tells me anything.

You make me feel out of my element

2006-08-14T21:11:00.000-07:00

What!? Two blogs in one day! What a treat for you guys out there! I don't want to hear anything from McSomethingkins for at least another month. I just have a lot on my mind today, and I need to release it a little. I have come to a decision. I am dropping out of school this semester. For the past couple weeks, especially the past few days, I have felt like I was drowning in all the things I have going on in my life. Now, I feel so much better! I guess I am not dropping out completely. I am staying in my night class, but I am dropping the other three. And the best part, I am totally ok with this. I was so excited to get back into school full time, but I just couldn't do it this semester. Working full time (while trying to train a new person) and trying to do my little side business is going to keep me way too busy. I know that it can be done, but I am going to wait to next semester to prove that. Whew. That feels better.

On another note, I need to learn to be confrontational. Mostly in the area of boys... I spent a couple hours talking to one the other day, and we totally connected. Even though I felt so comfortable with him, I still could not get up the courage to give the slightest inkling that I was interested! Why do I do this? Stupid defense mechanism. I blame it on the fact that I had only gotten about 5 hours of sleep in the past 60 hours. Looking back, I am pretty sure that I missed an opportunity to do something with him. I think he asked what my plans were for that night, and I said that I was going to sleep for a thousand hours. Stupid. After realizing this, I decided that I would rectify the situation the next day at church. To my dismay, he was not there. There were quite a few people who didn't seem to make it due to the Moab trip. I think that I blew my chance with this one. Blast and confound. What can I do so that this doesn't keep happening? I need to learn to open myself up a little more and not be so afraid of looking stupid and getting hurt. It is better to know that there is no chance in the beginning than to get my hopes up only to have them crushed at a later time, right? I just wish that I had the courage to follow my own plan. Maybe next time.

Wear Sunscreen

2006-08-14T08:22:00.000-07:00

This weekend was one of firsts for me. I went to Moab for the first time ever, and I had a lot of fun. While there, I went river rafting for the first time, and I got a sunburn for the first time in maybe 10 years. I totally wore sunscreen too! I even reapplied about half way through, but I was too stubborn to ask someone to put it on my back, so that is where I got it the worst. And, it is in the most inconvenient spot. I can't sleep on either side or my back because of the location of this stupid sunburn. And my face is peeling. I hate it. Yuck. I also hiked up to Delicate Arch for the first time. It was very pretty. I also had some nice conversations with some nice people on the way home. All in all, I had a good time.

Why didn't anyone tell me that school starts the 23rd! I was totally planning on it starting the 28th! I am so unprepared! I don't have people to work those days or anything! AAAAUUUGGGGHHHH!

2006-08-08T22:08:00.000-07:00

I Will Be Around

Kay.... I realize that this is cheesy, but I watched the Disney Movie that this comes from. I couldn't figure out where I knew the singer from, but then it hit me. Let's see if anyone else can figure it out:)
P.S. If anyone can find this song to download anywhere, let me know. I have looked and looked.

All she wants to do is dance

2006-08-06T17:38:00.000-07:00

I missed the results show of So You Think You Can Dance this week. It was very sad indeed. There are only four left, and two of them are my favorites! Yippee! But, this week I have Lagoon Day on Wednesday, so I will have to figure out how to record it. Then, I will be in Moab for the results show! Auuugggghhhh!

I became a Mary Kay Consultant yesterday, as did Pinkie. We are doing it more for the fifty percent discount on all the products, but a little extra money wouldn't be too bad. Who knows. Maybe I will be really good at it and driving a pink Cadillac soon. Nah, I am not planning on getting that into it, but if anyone wants to buy anything, you know who to call:).

I ordered the Anne trilogy and I have been watching it the past couple days. I forgot how long it is. Watching this makes me kinda want to watch another long trilogy. Wouldn't it be fun to have a LOTR party? We could start early in the morning, order a ton of food, and watch the journey of Frodo Baggins all day. Any takers:)?

I think I'll go to Boston

2006-07-22T10:18:00.000-07:00

Augustana is coming Monday, August 7 to a club in SLC. Tickets are 12.50. If anyone wants to come, let me know!

Waiting for the World to Change

2006-07-20T08:10:00.000-07:00

As McSomethingkins has so kindly reminded me yet again, I am getting behind on this blog thing. It has really only been a week this time, so I don't know what she is whining about:). It just takes me a little longer to post, because as of yet I don't have the internet at home (it is supposed to be up and running today. Yea!) and I am so incredibly busy at work. I hardly have time to even check my email! And this week is going to be worse. I will be doing three people's jobs as opposed to the regular two. I am supposed to have had a full time assistant start last Monday, but who knows where she is. My boss knew her from a past job, so he wants her to be here (blah) but he is in Italy for the next week, and I don't know how to get a hold of her or anything. And, my part time assistant is in New York til next week. I am a little overloaded and stressed, but everything will be fine in the end.

So, there is this show that I am completely hooked on, and I am a little embarrassed about it. I made fun of it for a while, then I actually watched it and it is so much fun! I am a So You Think You Can Dance groupie. There, I said it. It is just a happy and upbeat show and I love it!

Random thought: Why is the word "blog" not in the spell check? This is a blog site, so you think that they might put in in. Hmmmm.

Dream when you're feeling blue

2006-07-13T10:52:00.000-07:00

I know it has been a while since I have written. I have been told this by many a comment. It is just that the train hasn't left the station in a while. The train of thought that is. I see the only people that read this frequently, and they are a part of any story that I would have to tell. I guess I could pull a feather out of the duckling's hat and tell you about a dream that I had last night. It is kind of a weird one. I was at work and the receptionist told me that I had to drive to Wendover and pick up one of my residents that died a few weeks ago. I guess his niece had moved him to a care center and he died there, but she wanted me to bring him and his casket back for the funeral. She couldn't go get him because she was going on vacation. I asked the receptionist how I was supposed to fit a casket in my car, and she told me to take the work van. But, it wasn't the bus that I normally drive. It was a mini van. So, I drove it Wendover all by myself to pick up this casket. I get there, and they couldn't find it. We looked everywhere and finally found it. Then, we folded down the seats in the back of the van, and put it in the back. It wouldn't really fit unless it was on an angle. I really wanted someone to come back with me, because I knew that his ghost was there, and I was terrified. I started to drive on I-80 and I woke up. It was like 3 in the morning, and I was so scared in my dark room, so I turned on my lamp and the TV. Weird. But, that is not the oddest dream that I have had lately. Some have been really, really screwed up.
It was my birthday last week, and I really appreciate Duckling, Somethingkins, and Pinkie for all that they did for me. I had a really hard week and I am sorry that I was really cranky at times, but I really did enjoy all you guys did!

Daydream Believer

2006-06-28T10:41:00.000-07:00

I get to ride in a parade this Saturday. My work has a carriage and for some reason, I need to pick one of my oldies to ride in it with me. The problem with this is that it has been about 7000 degrees lately, and I don't want one of my little old ladies to die of heat stroke, or melt right there on the spot. I might just take one of my friends instead. They could put on a grey wig, a mumu, and some bright red lipstick. Any takers?
This week has been pretty good. I finally got my raise in. I got about 3.00 more an hour, which is more than 6000 bucks a year. That is kinda cool:) Plus, I finally get a costco membership. I love that place. I am pretty excited for my next paycheck. For some reason, this pay period had 3 more days in it that usual, and I got about 15 hours of overtime. I figured it out, and I will be getting about 800 bucks more than my old paychecks. And, I get paid on my birthday:). I am going shopping..... My regular paychecks will be about 500 more, before taxes, which is nice:)
I think I am done gloating for now. Have a fantastic week!

All I want is a room somewhere, far away from the cold night air

2006-06-19T17:46:00.000-07:00

I realize that you can't really name the person who sings this song, so just name the musical. It is playing in the background right now at work. We are having a movie night right outside my door. Our old maintenance man brought in his big projector screen tv and we are having candy, drinks, and fresh popcorn. It is kinda cool.
Well, life is a little better now. I got the promotion that I was supposed to get, so that is good. There is still something kind of bugging me though, and I don't know what it is. I still feel a little unsettled, like there is something else I need to be doing. I am pretty sure that my job is right, and I am supposed to be living where I am living. I just feel like I am missing something and I wish I could figure out what. Maybe it is shoes. Maybe if I go buy a bunch of new shoes, that feeling would go away. I think that is a pretty good idea. Sadly, I can't afford to do that right now. My raise won't be showing up for another couple weeks on my paychecks, and I am working on paying off some bills with the money that I have. I am making some progress, but I am just completely broke all the time now. I hate it. Stupid debt. Soon though, I will have a lot less of it. Then, I can buy some shoes as my reward. I look forward to that day.

How To Save A Life

2006-06-15T13:06:00.000-07:00

I am so tired. I feel as though I am walking through life in this dreamlike state the past couple weeks. I can't function. I can't make decisions. And above all, I am finding it very hard to be happy and stay optimistic. There are so many things to say, but so many that I can't. I can't find the words. I can't find the energy. I don't want to find the energy. I just want to stay in bed. I am trying to hard to make changes that will help to alleviate these feelings, but nothing is working out the way I was hoping. I keep looking and looking for this change that I want so badly, but it just won't come. I am stuck. I have hit a dead end and a wall has been built behind me. I can't turn around or go forward. I feel like I am trying to climb up and out without the assistance of a ladder, stepping stool, or pile of boxes. I don't know what to do. I don't know where to turn. I don't know where else to look.

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.

2006-06-01T11:00:00.000-07:00

I went car shopping yesterday. It was, let's say, interesting. Tickled Pink is trying to find a new car, but we had little success. I think her and I were pretty bored five minutes after we got there, but for some reason, we were there a couple hours. My friend who came with us wanted to look at the transmission type of every single truck/suv on the lot. And somehow, we ended up in the back among all the piece o' crap trade ins. I found my new car, however I will not be purchasing one for quite awhile. It was really pretty and shiny though. T.P. didn't find anything that suited her fancy, but I guess it was worth it to see the twinkle in my friend's eye. He was like a little kid in a candy shop. He seemed to enjoy talking to the sales-people, which is quite odd.
Is it just me, or are anyone else's allergies giving them heck? I just can't find a safe place to escape the sneezing anymore! Outside is bad, and inside is even worse. I thought that pollen counts were supposed to be lowering! Even in my office, which is where I am now, I just can't stop sniffling and sneezing! Stupid nose. I am thinking of having it surgically removed.

And even when your hope is gone

2006-05-30T21:09:00.000-07:00

I feel so totally and utterly pathetic. I got stood up for a date that I didn't even really want to go on. My dad gave my number to the son of a guy that he works with, and we have been talking for a couple days now. I haven't been able to go the past couple nights, so we planned on going out last night. But, he ended up having to take a friend to the ER because he fell while they were hiking, and it was too late for me by the time he got done. So, we talked for a couple hours and he told me he would call me today to set up a time for tonight. But, that call never came. It is kind of weird though because he has been calling me a lot over the past couple days. Oh well. It gave me an excuse to eat some ice cream:)
Another reason for eating my feelings was that my boss finally sold her house. She turned in her notice today, but the executive director didn't offer me the job right away as I had hoped he would. I guess he wants to make sure her that the house actually sells before he finds her replacement. So, I still will hopefully get it, but I don't have the assurance that I wish I had.

Is it any wonder that I feel afraid?

2006-05-16T20:53:00.000-07:00

This song is a new one from one of my favorite bands. It is an awesome tune:)
I rediscovered this weekend that I am psychic. I know things are going to happen or are happening before I am told about them. There is no use keeping secrets from me, because I probably already know. I have always known that I had this ability, but I found out a new aspect of it. This weekend while driving a very long drive, I had some time to think. My thoughts drifted to a person that I have not seen or even thought of for quite a while. This person was a good, but transient friend. I enjoyed the short time that we spent together, but I was not sad at our parting. Why my mind went to this person, I did not know at the time. However, that night while entering my neighborhood grocery store, I ran into him. He was leaving after shopping with his father. I saw him a few seconds before he saw me, and I wondered what he was doing at a grocery store quite far from his place of dwelling. He stopped and we chatted for a minute, but I was in a hurry so we didn't talk long. He told me to give him a call, and I consented. Sadly, I realized that I had deleted his number a while ago and could not fulfill my promise. Anyway, the moral of this story is that this is not the first time this has happened to me. I won't see someone for a while, and I will have a passing thought or they will be in a dream or something. Then, I run into them at some very random place. I realize that this situation is probably not unique to me, but I still think it quite odd. Anyway, I know that I don't really have "supernatural powers" but, I do feel like I have a sort of sixth sense when it comes to certain things. So, I guess what I am trying to say is, don't bother lying to me. I am like your mother. I most likely already know:)

It seems like yesterday we had the world our way, but some say we're headed for destruction.

2006-05-04T14:17:00.000-07:00

How is everyone out there in blogdom? I am in a really good mood today and slightly bored, so I thought maybe I should write something. I have three more days of work til it is time to take a vacation! Wahoo! I am so excited to eat cheesecake and stay in French/New York/King Arthur themed hotels. The drive there is always kinda fun too. We get to stop in a city named after an animal that builds dams and visit a factory where cheese is made. That is one of the highlights. We also get to drive out to the Nevada/California border and ride a wicked awesome roller coaster! And, the best part, most of the stuff we are doing does not require waking up early! Sleeping in is awesome.
Well, some of my friends have a tendency to be long-winded, so I will keep this short.

2006-05-02T13:21:00.000-07:00

McSomethingkins is my friend! I am the luckiest little frog in the entire world!:)

I am selfish, I am wrong, I am right, I swear I'm right, I swear I knew it all along

2006-04-29T11:12:00.000-07:00

Pretty sure that I met my future husband the other night. He was a mighty good looking guy. We got to talking about some stuff, and the subject veered to music. My bubble was then burst. He doesn't know anything about "modern" music (e.g. anything newer that Beethoven) and has never been to a concert. Since this is such an important thing to me, I was about ready to give up. But, I had a thought. Can one be converted to "music snobbery" or is it an inherent quality you have to be born with? I think it is the first. I have only recently become addicted to different types and styles of music. And, I still have so much more to learn. There are soooo many bands out there that are just waiting to have a chance at my ear and I am willing to give them that chance. Maybe that is what it boils down to. Having the willingness to be converted. Or maybe that is just wishful thinking.

I've been thinkin maybe I've been partly cloudy, maybe I'm the chance of rain

2006-04-20T07:57:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite bands, Switchfoot, is coming in concert next week in Odgen. Tickets are only 10 bucks. Anyone want to go? I promise that it'll be fun!

My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies

2006-04-12T11:52:00.000-07:00

I think McSomethingkins might be the only one who can get this song.... It is an obscure line from a great song!:)
Here's the dealio. For the first time in months, I am genuinely happy. I am loving everything right now. Very few things have changed, but those changes have made everything else go smoother. I am back to loving my job, school is okay, and my living situation is free. I am in a different ward with a bunch of my old high school friends, and I am loving spending time with them. Even though there are so many things that I thought would happen by now that have not, I am really happy.
Next month, we are going to Vegas!!!!!! And, like two days after we get back, I am taking my residents to Wendover. I think I am gonna be casinoed out. It will be fun though. My boss and her husband are coming as are the nurse and her husband. The marketing director and his girlfriend might come too. I asked if I could bring someone so I didn't feel so alone and loserly, but my boss said that I only could if that someone and I were in a relationship. That is discrimination and I won't stand for it! So I either have to deal with three couples and a bunch of old people by myself, or find a boyfriend by the second weekend in May. I am thinking that it will be the first one:).
So, I watched American Idol for the first time last night because they were doing Queen songs and I wanted to see how much they got butchered. It was kind of weird to be watching a television program with my mom. Aside from that, nobody should ever sing Queen songs unless your name happens to be Freddie Mercury or Robbie Williams.

I Will Buy You A New Life

2006-04-07T08:40:00.000-07:00

So, I think I may have had a nervous breakdown this week. I made some pretty rash decisions. The funny thing is, that I don't regret the decisions that I made, but, how I acted upon them might not have been the ideal way. I just want to apologize to all those who might be mad at me. I am sorry, but I couldn't really control my head this week.
On a similar note, I am back living with my parents right now. I never thought it will feel so good to be back at home. I had to go back because my work decided that it didn't need to offer insurance to it's full time employees, and old medical problems have started to resurface over the past couple weeks. In order to get back on my parent's insurance, I needed to be living at home. I still don't have a room, and all my stuff is currently in our front room making our house look like a tornado hit it. My dad was so excited for me to come back. He bought me and my sister flowers yesterday. He is so sweet:).
Anyway, even though the beginning of this week was incredibly awful, I feel really happy right now. I feel like I did what was best for me, and everything seems to have worked out for the better.

So Hard To Say Goodbye

2006-03-28T16:02:00.000-07:00

I know that this line could come from so many songs, but it is the fadeout line on the one I am thinking of.
I want to vent a little here. The past couple weeks have been pretty darn awful. So many things have just been simmering for a while and finally came up. I guess I just don't handle my emotions correctly. But, I am not the one who is always in the wrong. That is something I also need to learn.
Aside from that, there are a couple other things that just have been bugging me. My work decided to cancel it's medical insurance for their full time employees. They keep saying that they will find another carrier, but the expiration date is looming over the horizon. I don't have the confidence that my company with find something else before Friday, and knowing my luck, I will get in a car accident on Saturday. I don't really think that they will ever find something, which means that I get to find a new job. This is a pretty daunting task. I have been with this job for about a fourth of my life, and finding something new is a little unnerving. But, I don't think the insurance is the only reason. It is getting harder and harder for me to come to work. I love my job, but I feel so unappreciated lately. My job is also getting a lot harder. Different residents have different needs, and some of them are just more demanding than others. It seems that we have more people who need more stuff right now, and I am the one who has to provide it. I am taking people to the doctor like crazy, and I hate it. Also, my promotion is not certain anymore because we got a new director. Also, the person whose job I was supposed to take isn't moving as fast as one would hope (if you are reading this.... I still love you! I just want your job:)) I don't know what my problem is, I just want to find something different. I think I want to become a phlebotomist. That might be kinda fun. I was also thinking about maybe doing EMT training. I guess we will see what happens.
I have also been moving the past couple weeks. I didn't realize how much stuff I had before, but now, I wish that I could get rid of like 150% of it. I have way too many clothes and shoes. I have a ton of furniture. I also have so much completely useless junk, but stuff that I would feel bad it I threw away because my mom or somebody else gave it to me.
Anyway, my life really isn't bad. I know that. I just want to complain a bit because I have been pretty unhappy as of late. There. I feel better already.

Climbing Up On Solsbury Hill

2006-03-14T10:08:00.000-07:00

Okay here is a new post McSomethingkins. Ya happy?
Moving time is upon my roommates and me. We showed our house yesterday to a few people. It was kind of odd having complete strangers walk through our house and look at all our stuff. It was slightly unnerving. I am trying to get all my stuff boxed up and ready to put into storage. It isn't easy. I am moving all my big furniture out this Saturday, and most of my other stuff the next week. It will be a lot easier to clean the house if it is empty:). I am gonna be moving in with one of my roommates for a month or two until she gets married, so I won't have to go home quite yet..... That is good since I have no place to live at home. My room has been taken over by useless junk.
On a different note, this week is spring break! Hooray! Even though I only have one class two days a week, it is nice to have a break. I will have one extra free night this week to box stuff up. Or just throw it all in big garbage bags which is the more likely path that I will take.

How Soon Is Now? (I am human and I need to be loved.....)

2006-02-18T16:28:00.000-07:00

It seems like nobody has written a new blog in ages, so I will try to give my friends' blogging community a jump start by posting.
It is another glorious Saturday. It is snowing really hard outside right now. As previously stated, I love snow. I have been pretty happy to get some accumulation this week. Sadly, today I was hoping that it wouldn't snow. I have to drive down to Provo, and I didn't really want to have to do it in hazardous conditions. Luckily, I enlisted the 4-wheel drive capabilities of my friend, so it shouldn't be too bad.
I dropped a class yesterday. That means that I am taking one class this semester. I am an overachiever I know:). It was an online class and I had already missed two assignments, so I figured that I had better get out of there while I still could.
I recently came into possession of an ipod. It is a really pretty one. I have already put a ton of stuff on there, and I haven't even got to videos yet. My beloved roommates fiance showed me where to go to get software so I can put my movies on it. I am pretty excited about that:).
I guess that about wraps it up. I hope everyone is having a fabulous February!

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

2006-02-08T11:33:00.000-07:00

I took my first test of the semester on Monday. It was in Spanish. I think I did ok on my test, but I couldn't for the life of me remember the word for marriage. I looked it up when I got to my car and it is matrimonio. I felt sheepish!:)
I also found out this past weekend that my lease at my house isn't up til the end of March and not the end of February as I had previously thought. I am not quite sure how I feel about this. I am excited to be able to spend more time with roommates, but I was really looking forward to saving money and dropping of the face of the Earth for a while. I am at the point in my life (again) where I am tired of being social. I just am not in the mood to plan anything. I don't know why. I just don't wanna do it. Maybe it is because I am so tired of trauma involving boys. I still love hangin with the gals, and I don't mind planning things with us, I just don't wanna invite the very smart and intelligent boys:) Don't worry though. This will only last a few weeks until I find the new "hottie of the month" but until then, don't expect lots of fun parties involving the completely equal in every way gender.
I bought three new pairs of shoes yesterday. Now, I know that I of all people don't need new shoes, but they were really good deals! I got a pair of brown moccasiny shoes, some black pointy toed heals, and a pair of Sketchers all for $32! How could I turn that down?

And as I try to make my way to the ordinary world, I will learn to survive

2006-01-28T09:58:00.000-07:00

I am so mad right now!!!! I just wrote the world's longest blog, and it just disappeared! It was like the best one I have ever written! I want to cry:( I will try to do it again. Here we go.
Here I am at work again. Today is going to be a pretty good day. I am playing receptionist until the real one gets here at two, meaning that I don't actually have to do anything productive until then. I love being unproductive. It is the spice of life.
I did something very weird, albeit fun, last night. I received a phone call from one of my BYU friends inviting me to go to some hot springs up Spanish Fork canyon. The idea sounded slightly sketchy, but intriguing, so I decided to join them. I had never been to a hot spring before, so I didn't know quite what to expect. I headed down to Provo to meet up with this crew of miscreants and misfits. We joined up with the group at somebody's apartment and proceeded to head south, making a slight detour in a field to turn some donuts. Silly boys. We were at the on-ramp to the freeway when we received a call from one of the advance scouts in the party informing us that Spanish Fork canyon was closed due to snow. The caravan then decided that it wasn't expedient for them to head south on the freeway anymore, but they were already on the on-ramp. The cars all pulled over on the on-ramp to discuss their next course of action. It was agreed that we would head to some hot springs outside of Lehi. The drivers didn't want to go on the freeway til the next exit to turn around so they flipped a FREAKIN' U-TURN ON THE ON-RAMP! My life flashed before my eyes. We proceeded north to Lehi where we found the parking lot of the hot springs. We then started the trek down the snow-covered path to the actual springs. Due to the nature of the weather we were all anticipating entering into the boiling water. I think we went in the dark winter because I don't think there was any way I would have entered that dirty, stagnant water if a- I wasn't desperate enough for warmth and b- I had been able to see what I was stepping into. Then, someone had the brilliant idea to tell ghost stories. To most people, this would have been an excellent plan. Our surroundings were very conducive to scary stories. It was very, very dark, we were in the middle of nowhere, and there were massive amounts of steam issuing from the water. As most of you know, I don't really like ghost stories no matter what the setting. I could be in the Happiest Place on Earth surrounded by people and light and still be terrified. Even though most of the stories were the stupid ones with silly punchlines such as "he then pulled out his vick's vap-o-rub and stopped the coffin!" After the story telling was through we decided that we had spent enough time in the sulfuric mud and decided to get out and get dressed. Oh the shock that awaited our bodies as we stepped out into the frigid air. The walk back to the cars was a cold and wet one. But, fun nonetheless. We then headed back to Provo for some lovely Hot Cocoa floats at one of the guy's apartments. While at this dwelling place, I realized that one of the quiet guys with us was Scottish. Now, I have a certain affinity for accents, so I proceeded to chat with him for a bit. Then, sadly, my ride decided we had probably make the long and arduous journey back to South Jordan. I didn't get home until way late, thus explaining the rambling nature of this blog.

All The Stars and Boulevards

2006-01-24T18:54:00.000-07:00

Awesome.

When Soul Meets Body

2006-01-20T15:59:00.000-07:00

So.... I have to work a 13 hour day today, and I have about two hours where I have nothing to do. I have already wasted part of it, but now, I have no other choice than to write this blog. I don't really have much to say, but that is nothing new.
Yesterday I went to donate plasma. That was an adventure. The first time that I was stuck, my vein squirted blood all over the phlebotomist. Good thing she had a mask on. Then, that vein clotted, so the first blood girl had to call over the expert sticker who is in fact pretty good looking. He had to take out the needle, and stick me in the other arm. It still wasn't working and he kept digging the needle in my arm trying to find a vein. He finally realized that the tubing was clogged from the clot that I had and he had to take apart the tubing and squeeze out this huge monster clot. It was kind of gross looking, but really cool. It really didn't hurt that badly, or maybe I just convinced myself that it didn't since I didn't want to look stupid in front of Hottie Needle Man. I might have to clot every time I go in there so I can get more attention from him. It would probably be worth it!
Also, yesterday I had a meeting with my the Executive Director of my work. My boss is leaving, and he offered me her job. Yea! I am sad that she is leaving though. It won't be the same.
I can never figure out how to end these things. I guess I will just leave you with this thought:
Q: Why do blonde nurses bring red markers to work?
A: In case they have to draw blood!
Hahahahahahahahah

The Ballad of Billy the Kid

2006-01-13T12:17:00.000-07:00

I am gonna buckle down. Due to much, um, encouragement from McSomethingkins, I will write a real blog. The things I say may or may not be true. I am just trying to fill some space:)
First- I am addicted to 24. My friend and work lent me season one, and I have not been able to stop watching it!
Second- I posted this without finishing it. I meant to just save it, and I unknowingly pressed the wrong button, so here is the rest of it!
Third- School started again. I am only taking two classes this semester, but I think both of them are going to be a lot of work. I am taking a Spanish class and a Gerontology class. I took two years of Spanish when I was younger, so I thought I would be okay in a non-beginning class. I think I was wrong. I can't remember anything! Hopefully it will come back eventually...
Fourth- I have started donating plasma with McSomthingkins. It is actually a lot of fun! You just sit there and watch a movie for an hour and a half and get paid for it. Granted, there is a needle sticking in your arm, but you can't even really feel it.
Fifth- I saved a bunch of ferrets from a burning building yesterday. Apparently I am quite the hero.
Sixth- I realized that being alone sometimes is really therapeutic.
Seventh- I am really upset about the lack of snow this winter.
Eighth- I found out my favorite band is coming in concert next week and tickets are free!
Ninth- The world doesn't revolve around you. Those of you who think that everything is about them are suffering from delusions of grandeur. All that really matters is me and what I think:)
And...... Tenth- Feline Aids is the number one killer of domestic cats.

Bitter Sweet Symphony

2006-01-08T22:44:00.000-07:00

I am bored. Really, really bored.

Some of them want to use you, some of them want to be used by you

2006-01-02T12:58:00.000-07:00

Welcome 2006. I cannot begin to say how much I am glad that 2005 is over! I don't mean that in a bad way. There were a ton of good things that happened, I am just excited for some new experiences. I already have a few exciting things planned. There is a big vacation, a big move (or two), a new job possibility, new classes in school, my 5 year high school reunion (scary!), and there are some other things that I am hoping will happen..... I have something that I am supposed to accomplish by March. We will see if I can get that done:)
On a side note, I hate it when people use me. There is a certain situation that happens all the time, and I just let it keep happening. I know when I am being used and I know what people's motivation is. I am not stupid. I guess that I just don't care enough to do anything about it except complain. I know this is vague, but I just need to get this off my chest.
So, I have a three day weekend coming up, and I want to do something super fun before school starts on Monday. Does anyone have any ideas?
P.S. I want the original artist of this song, not the awful remake.

Learning To Breathe

2005-12-27T21:23:00.000-07:00

This title is fitting for today, because I can't breathe. I have a cold. I normally wouldn't mind having a cold, because then I would get to call in sick and just lounge around the house all day. Unfortunately, my boss is out of town, so I have to go in. I just don't want to get all my residents sick. They already have the flu! And, I have a weakened immune system, so I can pretty much guarantee that I will catch what they have. Yuck. Along with the cold, I have a really sore throat and a timid voice. This isn't so good when exercise has to be taught and BINGO has to be called. If I cancel BINGO, I will be tarred and feathered, then burned at the stake. So, I will trudge along:).
I hope that everyone had a Merry Christmas! Mine was excellent. I got a digital camera which will facilitate pictures being put on here! I have yet to take any, so I guess that will be on the next blog.
There was something that I had to share, but now I can't remember what it was. Hmmmmm. I am sure that it was very important and had the possibility of changing all of your lives (is it lives or life's? I just don't know!). I guess that will have to wait also. Is the anticipation for my next post building yet? I thought so.
I hope to see you at our New Year's party this Saturday! That is all.

I guess the winter makes you laugh a little slower, makes you talk a little lower, bout the things you could not show

2005-12-21T21:54:00.001-07:00

Ungh. Why am I such a glutton for punishment? I like to think that I have at least a semblance of self-control, but the past few weeks have shown me otherwise. What is it about Christmas that makes things that otherwise would be simple and meaningless so desirable. I, of course, and talking about food. It just seems to be everywhere! I don't even like half the stuff I am eating, but I consume it anyway. At work, we keep getting all these bread baskets and other such items delivered to us by home health agencies. And, of course, they come straight up to my office because I share it with the Care Coordinator. Then we proceed to pick out what we want before we send in down to the other staff:). It isn't just the free food. My friends, family, and co-workers are wanting to eat out more, and I can't turn them down! Today was the worst. I normally eat 1-2 meals a day. I never eat breakfast and I don't always eat lunch. But, today, I ate breakfast, lunch, and then my sister called and wanted to go to Golden Corral. We had a gift certificate that expires on Sunday, so we thought we had better use it. I seriously thought I would die before I was done with my first plate. I went back and got a little more, but after that, I couldn't even comprehend eating more. I couldn't even get dessert! It was a very sad day indeed.

Blister In The Sun

2005-12-13T22:37:00.000-07:00

Blast! I totally just wrote a whole post, and my internet shut down. Stupid computer. I guess I will try and recreate the magical feeling that was there in my last attempt, but I fear that I will fail miserably.
School is out! Wahoo! I have actually been done for a couple days, but I haven't really felt like it til today. I usually have class Tuesday nights, but as I previously stated, I am done for the semester, so I decided to do something else. I went to the mall. I hadn't even really started on my Christmas shopping, so I figured that I had better get a few things, so I thought I would just run in. Yeah right. I was there for over two hours. And, I bought more stuff for me than for others (refer to my post on being the most selfish person in the world!) This was not so good because I am poor, but today kinda sucked. Shopping is a form of therapy for me, and it is cheaper than other forms, so I justify it. So there. I found out today that two of my favorite co-workers are leaving and I needed a little picker-upper. Thanks Goddess for coming with me! I had a lot of fun, and my spirits are lifted, which is exactly what therapy is there for!

We are livin in a material world.....

2005-12-05T08:44:00.000-07:00

I have decided that I am the world's most selfish person. Especially lately. All I care about it myself. And, it doesn't make me happy. In fact it makes me exceptionally depressed and mopey. So... new goal. First, no complaining about my life. Actually, no complaining in general. Second, try and help other people out a little more even if it just be by listening. Third, be a better friend. Well, there you have it. I give people permission to make sure these rules are enforced. Feel free to use violence if necessary.

All These Things That I've Done

2005-12-02T12:10:00.000-07:00

Nobody is guessing song titles anymore! There have been two really easy ones in the past week that nobody has gotten! That is very disappointing.
Well, I came to my senses yesterday. I quit the part time job that I had. I actually never started, so I guess that I can't say that I quit.
School is almost over! I have about two more weeks left. In those two weeks I have two presentations, one final, two papers, and a powerpoint thing to put together. But, this shouldn't be too bad considering that I only have one job now! Other than that, my life is pretty boring. I am just enjoying the winter. I wish there was more snow! It was snowing earlier, but it appears to have stopped. Sad:(.

Who Needs Sleep?

2005-11-29T20:57:00.000-07:00

Stupid, stupid stupid (picture me hitting my head against the wall). Why did I think I could work another job on top of the one that I already have as well as attending school? I must have had a severe lapse of judgement when I accepted this position.
I have decided that I am way too competitive. I always have to win. This is bad. It gets me into a lot of trouble. Also involved with this is the inability to back down from a dare. Last week I was dared to drink the leftover ultimate dipping sauce from a Training Table dinner that a friend and I shared. That wasn't so bad. However, last night, I got dared to do something kinda stupid. I lit my hand on fire. This could have ended so badly! Luckily, I was working with an experienced hand-pyro. Apparently, all you have to do is spray some aerosol hairspray on your hand and light up. Just make sure you are near a sink or something similar.

The Beautiful Letdown

2005-11-21T16:25:00.000-07:00

Today was not a fun day. I spent all day at different appointments that I had. First on the list: Eye Doctor. It wasn't so bad to begin with, then the doctor told me that I have astigmatism. Yuck. Now my contacts are going to be more expensive. Hopefully they will help me to see better:). Next was the car place. My poor bumper has been sagging for a couple months now, so I decided to have them check it while I was in there getting my oil changed. 400 bucks! That is what they want me to pay to fix it! Apparently my bumper is cracking, so I have to get a whole new bumper. Yuck. I guess I can deal with my car not being aesthetically pleasing. Then, I went to donate plasma. I have never done it before, so they told me to plan on three hours. I cancelled a few things that I could have done so I could be there. I got to the plasma place, and they wouldn't let me get started because I didn't have proof of social security. Who needs that? So, that blew up in my face. I did, however, find out that I have pretty good vision insurance. I get my contacts paid for, and half off my glasses. I ordered a new pair of glasses. I love them! They make me feel like a librarian.
Unlike today, yesterday was a pretty good day. I got to exact a little bit of revenge on someone. I got to make a guy who has been a little snippy with me in the past sit through a facial, foot spa pedicure, and a Mary Kay Satin Hands treatment. He looked silly:) I LOVED it!

Just The Way You Are

2005-11-19T14:59:00.000-07:00

Anyone know of anybody who is looking for a good place to eat on Thanksgiving? Sadly, most of my brothers and sisters can't make it this year, and my mom is beside herself. She is so used to cooking a huge meals that I don't really thinks she knows how to make small portions. So, she asked me the other day to recruit some people. We accept out-of-towners and people who are just looking for a good meal, even if it is their second one of that day. If convincing is still needed, just know that my mom was a caterer for twenty years, and is still a cook by trade. It will be exceptionally yummy!
Thanks to all my buds who gave me words of wisdom. I know that there is really no such thing as being behind, sometimes I just need a little reminder.

So you think you can hold the world up by a string...

2005-11-14T18:16:00.000-07:00

I am still young right? I have been talking to few people lately about what they are doing and have already done with their lives, and through these conversations, I have been forced to reflect on my life up to this point. This pondering has led me to believe that I am seriously behind. What have I accomplished? I am trying to think of a list, but at this point, it is really short. I should be in graduate school by now, but I am still in the "eternal junior" phase. Heck, I just officially declared my major last Thursday. I have known what it would be for about a year, I just had not made the effort to go to the department and fill out the dinky little paper. This feeling is not only with school. There are so many other aspects of life that I have yet to even venture into. Luckily, this weekend, I came up with a three year plan. I think it is a very good plan, and I will not stand for any deviation from it. I guess you could say that my world will be held up by a string. A very thin string that will break if anyone tries to shake things up.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

2005-11-13T17:15:00.000-07:00

Just a little bit. That is all I want.

If God Made You

2005-11-06T18:13:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had someone come into your life that you knew was sent to you at just the perfect time? I didn't know that I needed this person, but they have made my life a lot better. I know that they will not be around forever, probably another few weeks or so, but I am so happy that I have this person, temporary or otherwise. Much needed motivation has been provided for me to do something that was a little more difficult before. And I am so grateful for that, even though it is probably not deserved.
Referring back to something I said in my last entry. I am finding myself not always changing the station from the constant Christmas music when I scan through my radio. Hypocritical, I know, but I can't help it!!!! I am getting so excited for the best time of year. All I need now is snow, that glorious substance that makes my heart happy.

It's A Dead Man's Party. Who could ask for more?

2005-10-31T13:54:00.000-07:00

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!

On a side note, does anyone else think that it is way too early for radio stations to be playing Christmas music? Kosy 106.5 is playing non-stop Christmas music now. Imagine my dismay when I turned on the radio this morning to "It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas." NO IT ISN'T!!!!! It looks a little like Halloween today however.....

Advertising Space

2005-10-27T09:51:00.000-07:00

This song is from a CD that is number one on the sales list of Amazon UK but number 953 on just the music side of Amazon US. Why is that? And it is cheaper for me to order this CD from England and pay import fees and shipping fees than it is to order it or even buy it here. This only results in increasing my desire to move to the UK.
Halloween Party this Saturday at my house at 8! Everyone is invited! Let me know if you have any questions!
I LOVE this time of year. There is something about fall that just makes me sooooo happy. Maybe it is the change that it signifies. I am a person who loves change. I thrive on things not staying the same. I hate being stagnant. That might be why I dislike summer so much. It is a constant flow of hot weather. Yuck. One never knows what fall might bring. You may have a nice 70 degree day, or it may snow!!! And snow always makes me happy. I don't even mind driving in it. I may not feel this way come January, but in November and December, I say bring it on! There is nothing better than sitting and reading a good book or watching a chick flick with a hot cup of cocoa during a snow storm. This past week I have been a little upset with the weather. It is almost November and I still haven't been able to wear any of my fun sweaters because it still gets too warm during the day.

The Last Laugh Of the Laughter

2005-10-16T18:13:00.000-07:00

Anybody a fan of British rock? You have to be to get this song!:) I finally got the CD it is on yesterday, and I am so happy!
*Rant*- Have you ever met people who refuse to be happy? Even more, they seem to purposely do stuff that they know will make themselves miserable? I have a hard time being sympathetic. All I feel is pity.
Moving on. I saw a weird movie this weekend, Elizabethtown. Even now, I have not decided if I like it or not. The directorial approach was interesting, but I had a hard time staying focused on the story. I am not sure if it was the movie's fault, or if I was just distracted. I will admit that I did cry within the first 15 minutes. The whole premise of the movie is based around the fact that the main character's father dies. I couldn't handle that. I have never been hypersensitive about death, but lately, I am finding myself more and more emotional. I watched Big Fish last week and cried and cried. I had three of my residents pass away this week. And after the many close-to death and death experiences that my family has had in the past year, I guess it is just wearing on me. I am finding myself crying in movies (and tv shows, sad I know) a lot more lately. Anyway, back to the movie...... I just don't know whether to recommend it or not! Maybe wait til it comes out on video. Especially if you are not a Kirsten Dunst fan, like me.

Build A Little Birdhouse In Your Soul

2005-10-13T09:35:00.000-07:00

I am wearing pink pants and pointy shoes today. Conformist? Maybe.... I am merely a pawn of Stacy and Clinton. All I am missing is a blazer.

One Is The Loneliest Number

2005-10-05T07:40:00.000-07:00

So, here I am again. At least for now. Tonight I am boarding an airplane for Vegas. My brother, who lives there, is picking my mom, my sister, and I up from the airport, and we are driving straight to Disneyland. I know, I know. I was just there a couple months ago. But, this time should be more fun. I am going with my family, and I don't have to plan anything!!!! We are only staying in Cali a couple days, then driving back and spending a couple days in Vegas. Buffets and shopping outlets. Mmmmmm.
Oh yeah. Nobody has guessed the artist that I was thinking of for my last blog. It is so EASY!!!! Think Rat Pack. But, also guess this song!:) And the title has nothing to do with my mood.
P.S. Goodbyes super stink.

Pennies From Heaven

2005-10-02T20:09:00.000-07:00

Give me that name of anyone who sang this song, and you shall get a candy bar. If it is the one that I am thinking of, I will make it a king size:)!
Do you ever have times where nothing in life is going the way you thought? I have been feeling like this for a couple weeks. The weird thing is that I don't think this is a bad thing. I am nowhere near where I thought I would be years and even weeks ago, and that is okay. Just because things aren't going the way that I had planned, doesn't mean that they aren't going well. Sometimes, I just need take a minute out of life and just reflect on what I have instead of thinking about all the things I don't have. This weekend helped so much! October is one of my favorite months of the year, and it started with a bang yesterday. I had the opportunity to tune in to General Conference this weekend. There is nothing like watching 8 wonderful and uplifting hours of television to get your mind and heart in the right place. It was a nice time-out from the stresses of the real world. But, there is the inevitable list of things that I really need to work on that follows. And that is okay. That is why we are all here. To become the best version of ourselves. I am so grateful for the ability we have to strive for continuous improvement. Now all I need to do is remember that I am thankful for that and maybe I will be able to remember that we all have trials to make us stronger and better people:).

Behind These Hazel Eyes

2005-09-15T15:32:00.000-07:00

Don't make fun of me for this song. This singer is one of my guilty pleasures in my life as a music snob. And I think that this is my theme song for the week:)
Can I just say that I am officially way sick of the Emergency Room? I spent about 6 hours at the hospital last night, most of which was in the waiting room in the ER. I think that I have found my calling in life. To design chairs that are more easy to sit and wait in. You think that the decorators of hospitals would have the comfort of people in mind when they are putting these rooms of pain and discomfort together. But no. They know that most people are there for long periods of time due to the fact that triage in the ER isn't highly effective. They know that family members of people who are sick enough to need the ER are going to be waiting there for hours on end. Why can't they put in some recliners or even a couch or two. Is that too much to ask?:) I don't think so.
I guess I might need to tell you the reason why I was at the ER. I was in a horrific car accident and broke both my legs. And an arm. And my nose. Wait..... that isn't true. My dad is kind of sick right now, and in the ICU. Unfortunately, last night when he was originally brought to the ER, that hospital didn't have any ICU rooms open, so my mom waited with him to be transferred by ambulance to another hospital. My sister and I waited for them for three hours to arrive at the second hospital. Apparently, the first hospital was not very organized and couldn't get them out sooner. Whatever. I hate the first hospital. The staff there is rude and uncaring. And that is not a biased opinion. It is a fact. He was supposed to be out of the ICU by now, but the problem that he has is not as easy to find and treat as they first thought. Hopefully he will be in a regular room by this weekend!

Happy Is A Yuppie Word

2005-09-13T21:38:00.000-07:00

Good luck with this song. It is on a newly released CD, but from a band that I really like. So, if anyone wants a candy bar, they will have to do their homework, or make an educated guess. It shouldn't be that hard if you know me at all!
So...... there is a lot to say, but this is not the appropriate venue for that. Instead, I will ask a question. Does anyone know of anyone who is looking for a place to live? As normally happens to roommates, one of mine is going the way of all the world and will need to be replaced:). So, if anybody has any suggestions, they would be greatly appreciated. Rent is really cheap! Thank you. That is all.

Once There Was This Girl Who.....

2005-09-07T09:42:00.000-07:00

Wow. I guess it has been a couple weeks since I posted last. I have been so busy lately with work and school! Don't get me wrong though. I LOVE being busy. It keeps me out of trouble, because we all know what a problem that is for me. I guess that I don't really have anything much to say, which seems to be a growing trend. Maybe I will just take up more of your time with inane banter. Classes are going pretty well. Sadly, I am already growing lazy. My writing class is completely pointless except for the last 10 minutes, and I am finding it harder and harder to get up the energy to go:). But, I am a slave to the tuition that I paid, so I suck it up and hop on the train. Everything else in my life is pretty much the same. I have not decided if that is a good thing or not. I fear change, but I also hate things to stay the same:). I guess that is about it for today. Don't forget to guess the song title! The candy bar offer still stands!

Hard Habit To Break

2005-08-23T09:13:00.000-07:00

I don't know if anyone has noticed that all my posts as of late have a theme. Well, a couple of themes, but, the one to which I am referring is that all the titles are from songs. I would like to institute a contest. Whomever can comment first with the title and artist of the song lyric, gets a candy bar. Doesn't that sound like fun?
So.... the other theme in my posts. Bitterness. Sorry about that. There will be no more bitterness from me. I discovered that I have no reason to complain! Life is good, and I am happy again.
These are my feelings today. Thanks for tuning in!

The River Of Dreams

2005-08-19T00:17:00.000-07:00

So, I wear earplugs in my sleep. It is a habit that I picked up when I was younger cause my dad is a heavy snorer, and my room was right next to his room. A couple months ago, I had a dream that I was eating marshmallows and I woke up to find my earplug being chewed on by me..... Sometimes, my earplugs fall out in my sleep, and I look for them when I awake. More often than not, I cannot find them. I hope that is because they fall under the bed and that I am not swallowing them. That would be super-de-duper gross.
I have a metaphor here for all you girls. I have been sleeping at a friend's house the last couple nights and last night, some of my guy friends came over. After they left, I went into the bathroom to find the seat up, and the toilet unflushed. I made my sister the CNA come in and flush it, cause she is used to that kinda thing. This lovely experience got me thinking. I think that we can relate this lack of flushing to inability to see the obvious. How often do we look into life's "toilet bowls" only to find that there is still "residue" from their last use? And even though it may be hard, and kinda gross, we (or our sisters....) have to flush it out of their systems. Mostly this problem is from apparent stupidity. Why can't men see what is staring them right in the face? Like something as obvious as flushing the toilet! Come on! This should be a habit by now, but no! Let's just hope that the hands get washed.

All The Lonely People, Where Do They All Belong?

2005-08-15T21:20:00.000-07:00

I made a breakthrough about ten minutes ago. I realized that it isn't my responsibility to make everyone happy. Not everyone always has to like me. There will be times that people will get upset, mad, and/or hurt. I cannot always prevent this. I cannot provide for every single person's needs. I try really hard to be the "mom" to all my friends. I don't know why. It only gets me into trouble when things don't pan out how they are supposed to. So, I resign. I love all my friends dearly, but I cannot keep this up. It takes far too much energy. I am going to be working full time and going to school starting next week. And as much as I love and enjoy my job, it is taxing enough on my emotions and strength to really have much energy for anything else. Consider this my official notice of resignation. I am sure that hanging out will still happen. Maybe even more! I think part of this might be the resurgence of Elder Oaks talk a couple months ago. I hadn't thought of it for a while, and it seemed to have been brought up extensively yesterday in church. And, also, I have become somewhat of a social-phobe. Big groups wear me out, and are really starting to scare me. This is all very weird to me, but I am trying to work through it. However, I am really starting to like the one on one thing with my friends. It is so much easier to handle.
So, there you have it. I just need a breather for a bit. Thanks for all that you do for me! I really do appreciate all my friends. You guys have to put up with sooooo much from me, but I really do need this break. Just be patient. Bat Paige will return some day.

I Was Sittin, Waitin, Wishin.....

2005-08-09T18:52:00.000-07:00

Do you ever sometimes think that all you do is wait around for something to happen, and it never does? Lately I have been in a constant state of limbo. No, not the fun game that is played with a stick. More like, as Webster defines it: a : a place or state of restraint or confinement b : a place or state of neglect or oblivion c : an intermediate or transitional place or state d : a state of uncertainty. This feeling hasn't really been caused by one thing in particular, just a combination of everything. I don't feel sad or depressed, just restless. I am not sure if that really makes any sense. One thing that will help is starting school in two weeks. I have not gone since I got my Associates two semesters ago, and I cannot wait to go again. I hope that'll cure some of my boredom, but I am not sure if it will go away completely. I just keep thinking that I need something to happen that I have never had happen before. Just something different. Something big. And I am not quite sure what that might be, but I am willing to wait a little longer:).

While I have your attention, I have another random question. If your house was on fire, and you could save one thing (aside from the obvious: family, friends, pets....) what would it be?

p.s. My surgical procedure last week went well. They didn't find anything serious, which means I have some breathing room for now until they decide which test to do next:)

p.s.s. I found a new singer that I really like. Check him out at http://www.danielpowter.com. Watch the music video of Bad Day. It'll make your day better:)!

You Spin Me Right Round Baby

2005-08-04T09:05:00.000-07:00

Nausea hit me. Big time. I went to Lagoon yesterday and I think I rode a few too many spinny rides. I have never gotten motion sicknessy before, but I sure did yesterday. I couldn't even go on the Music Express. It was heartbreak of all heartbreaks. No Jet Star, no Tilt-A-Whirl, no Space Scrambler, no Swings. I did, however, venture onto the Samurai, Bat, Colossus, Screamer, Wild Mouse, White Roller Coaster, and Rattle Snake Rapids. I probably didn't pick the right rides. Oh well. What I did after Lagoon made up for all the tummy ache. My friend and I went to Bountiful to the set of EXTREME MAKEOVER: HOME EDITION!!!!! This is one of my favorite shows on television. I cry every time that I watch it. It was really cool to see the set. The house is freakin' huge! It was like eleven o'clock at night, but there were still a ton of people there. And... Paul and Michael waved from the upstairs window. Sadly, Ty wasn't there. He wasn't coming back to the set til today. I am thinking about driving back up there.... He is a severe hottie.
Well, tomorrow is my big medical test. I can't eat any solid foods or red dye today. That means a lovely meal of chicken broth and green jello for breakfast, lunch, and dinner:). Oh, and colorless drinks. But, tonight, I am going to the Howie Day concert, so that should take my mind off the huge amounts of sodium that is in broth.

Paved Paradise and Put Up a Parking Lot

2005-08-02T10:56:00.000-07:00

Wow. That is a tongue twister. There is a lot of alliteration in that phrase:). I don't really have a whole lot to say, I just figured that it might be time to update this blog. I do, however, have a question to ask. If you had to be stuck on a desert island, and you could only have one choice of food to live on, what would it be?

Pioneer Day

2005-07-24T19:12:00.000-07:00

Today is one of my favorite holidays of the year. I love the 24th of July. I love remembering the Pioneers and all that they went through to get us here in the Salt Lake Valley. Thinking about their trials makes my life seem a lot less hard. I am amazed at the strength that the early members of this church had. I don't know if I could be as stalwart as they were. I know that we have different kinds of trials nowadays, but they seem so much less difficult than what the Pioneers went through. Being willing to leave my house and comforts to trek across a vast expanse of nothingness to go to a place that neither I nor my leader has ever been is something that I cannot comprehend. I can only hope that I have a fraction of the faith that they had.

Back In The Saddle Again

2005-07-21T19:08:00.000-07:00

I have been back from Disneyland for almost a week now, and, I can honestly say that I hate the real world. Why can't life be like it is in Disney movies?:) I think that we should all periodically break out into song and dance. That would make me very, very happy. I am glad to be back however. The whole planning a trip for eleven people kinda stressed me out a bit, and now that it is over, that is one less thing that I have to worry about. Unfortunately, something took it's place in my stress book. I have been having some health problems for a couple months, but I didn't want to find out what it was. Ignorance is bliss right? Well, now, it has reached the point where it can no longer be ignored. So, I have to go to the doctor tomorrow. I have a pretty good idea of what it might be, and I am hoping that my assumption is correct. There are a few other possibilities that wouldn't be quite so easy to take care of. I guess I will know tomorrow! Wish me luck!
I also just wanted to thank all my friends who were there for me the other day in the midst of my meltdown. I feel sooooo stupid. It is nice to know that I have friends that love me even when I act like a moron. I guess that is what happens when you bottle stuff up. Eventually, it will just explode, and that is what happened. It won't happen again. I promise!:)

I'm in Cali!

2005-07-14T15:03:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone! I just thought that I would drop you all a line from the great state of California! Disneyland is great! Universal and the beach were also fun. I think the highlight of the week might have to be either Johnny Depp on the Tonight Show or Melissa sitting in gum. Or maybe Angie trying to violate everyone by touching their bums. It's a close call...... Anywho..... it is really hot here, but I just heard that it is just as hot in Utah, so I guess I can't complain.

DISNEYLAND!!!!!!

2005-07-10T23:45:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to say that I hope you all have fun here while I am in sunny California for the next week! Have a good time!:)

Paige and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week

2005-07-08T22:08:00.000-07:00

Has anyone ever heard that song by R.E.M. called Bad Day? I think I am going to write one called Bad Week. Why is it that before something happens that you are really looking forward to, all the bad stuff has to happen? I am going to Disneyland next week, and I am really excited to have a much needed vacation. But, I have been so stressed out this week with so many different aspects of my life, that I almost wish that I could still take a week off, but just stay home in bed. Or find a cave somewhere. A nice cool cave stocked with lots of cheese. There really hasn't even been anything out of the ordinary happen to make me grumpy. I think it is just a lot of little things culminating into one gigantic mess. And today has been the worst. For anyone who knows me at all, you know that I try not to get emotional. I never cry in front of people. Today, I just could not control myself. I went to a goodbye dinner for my friend/co-worker who is leaving the company, and I could barely make it to my car before I burst into tears. And, I want his job, so I don't know why I was so sad. Before that, I found out that one of my favorite residents had a massive stroke and was currently comatose in the hospital. Also, there was the major stress of having to deal with updating my resume, and having a hard interview. And there were so many other things that just added onto the depression that I was feeling. I was really looking forward to coming home, getting in bed, and sleeping for 12 hours. But, here it is, 11:30 pm, and I am still awake. My mind just keeps dwelling on all these things that I have no control over, but that are currently ruling my existence. And then I get more angry at myself, because I hate doing that. I hate wallowing in self-pity. And then I get mad for getting angry. It is just a vicious cycle that I cannot seem to pull out of. But, I know that things will work out. I know that I will be happy again. I just need to give it time. I need to recharge my batteries very badly. And, next week should be an ideal time to do that. Maybe while I am sitting by the beach, riding splash mountain, or seeing Johnny Depp on the Tonight Show.

Special Day

2005-07-07T20:27:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday to me!:) Today has been a pretty good day so far. I had an interview for my promotion. It was a panel interview with three applicants, and six of the managers. It was very intimidating, but not as bad as I thought it would be. They have two more sessions to go through before they make the first cut. Everyone pray for me!:)
P.S. I am going to California next week, and we have tickets for the Jay Leno show. They just posted the guests for that night, and guess who is going to be there?! Johnny Depp!:) I can die happy after that night.....

Joke For The Day

2005-07-05T21:09:00.000-07:00

In the spirit of patriotism, I would like to share a little something I heard today:)

Only in America
Only in America... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
Only in America... are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
Only in America... do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in America... do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet Coke.
Only in America... do banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in America... do they leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Only in America... do they use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so they won't miss a call from someone they didn't want to talk to in the first place.
Only in America... do they buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
Only in America... do they use the word "politics" to describe the process so well; "Poli" in Latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "bloodsucking creatures".
Only in America... do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering

Happy 5th of July, and remember, two days til my birthday!!

Independence Day

2005-07-03T16:06:00.000-07:00

I love July. I love that at this time of year, we can all remember the important things in life. Like the many freedoms that we enjoy living in this country and the ability we have to worship as we please. But, more importantly, my birthday *the 7th*:)! Seriously though, we, as citizens of the United States, are so lucky!! There are so many things that I take for granted. I guess that is why we have holidays like the 4th, to help people like me to remember all the things that we don't really think about regularly. So, at this time this time of year, I hope we all can think a little bit more about our many freedoms. And, above all, have a HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!

Resumes: A cry for help!

2005-06-30T07:38:00.000-07:00

Who invented the resume? Whoever it was should be shot. I think that interviews should all be done telepathically. It would cut out a lot of stress. I am applying for a promotion within my company, and writing this resume is so hard! Especially since two of my last three jobs have been within the company, so I can't lie about my achievements. That is basically what resumes and interviews are. A collection of lies:)! If any of you out there are really good at stuff like this, or if you have any pointers, please let me know! I will take any advice or tips. Thanks so much!

Music Snob part Deux

2005-06-28T20:50:00.000-07:00

"Green Day: The Band That Saved Rock and Roll." This was a recent headline that I saw on a magazine. I think it was Entertainment Weekly. If I didn't already have qualms about this band, I would have after that. Of all the rock bands out there, they picked Green Day? What does that say about our society? I admit that I don't always change the station when they come on the radio. Such was the case today. Their new song (Holiday?) was on. I was listening to the words towards the end when they were totally bashing on President Bush. I think some people take the first amendment a little too far, but that is a topic for another day. Anyway.... I took a moment and reflected on another of their recent songs, American Idiot. In this song, they say that us as Americans are stupid for listening and relying on the media. HELLO!!!! What are they trying to do here? What were they trying to do when they were promoting John Kerry? They (and not just Green Day) are trying to make us do exactly what we are told. To the media, we are lemmings just looking for a cliff. I refuse to be a conformist! There. I have had my rant for today. :)

Water Woes

2005-06-27T08:21:00.000-07:00

Grrrrrr. I had so much to do today. I was going to deep clean the whole house and do laundry. Unfortunately, someone knocked at my door at 8:30 this morning to tell me that the water would be turned off for an unknown amount of time. I can't do anything! I can't even turn on the air conditioner! All because someone down the street has a leak. Why should I have to pay for other people's faulty pipes:)? It just doesn't seem fair! Now I have to resort to a lazy day off. Maybe I will go and ride my new bike.... Well, I guess it isn't really new. I bought it for 25 buck-a-roos from the D.I. the other day. It seems like it works okay. The tires are inflated, the brakes work, and there are no visible cracks or lesions. I am going to go check and see how it rides, and I will keep you all updated!:)
11 more shopping days til my birthday!

All Things Disney

2005-06-24T07:57:00.000-07:00

My friend made this collage for me. I love looking at it. It makes me feel like a kid again. And, in two weeks, I will be in Disneyland! Zip a dee do dah!:) I used to work at Disneyworld, and even after seeing the "dark side" of the happiest place on Earth, you can't become disenchanted. There is no hating Disney. Anyone who says that they do is lying!