Cry On Demand

I just saw a Kleenex commercial (one of the ones where people are sitting on a couch in the middle of the city talking) and the girl telling her story said something that hit me. She said: "My tears don’t compromise my strength. They never have." I am the type of person who hates to cry around people. To me, it is admitting defeat. I am much too proud to acknowledge that people have enough hold on me to affect my emotions. As much as I like to think that this is true, it isn't. My feelings are way too dependant on others. Mostly my sorrow is in solitude, or with my closest friends. Conversely, my happiness and joy are not always apparent. It has come to my attention recently that this trait makes me seem unapproachable and rude. I don't want to be this way anymore. I want people to know how I feel about them, how much I care, but my defense mechanism just doesn't let me. I need help getting past this. I want to be able to have a normal and functional relationship. There are so many things that I have missed out on in life by not being able to let certain people know my true feelings. I try so hard to keep myself from getting hurt by others that I hurt myself. No more I say!
I just realized that I set out to write this post about something completely different than what it turned into. Maybe I will revisit the intended topic at a later time.