Monday, February 05, 2007

Gearin' up for a social accident

Sometimes I wonder how I continue to function in this world. My social skills and abilities are rapidly decreasing. I have no idea how this happened! I used to be quite the little social butterfly. I thrived in large groups. I don't know if it is a side effect of getting older, or if it is a problem embedded in the deep layers of my mind, but group situations are defiantly not comfortable to me anymore. In fact, they scare me to death. I get so nervous that I can't form sentences or talk coherently. Even thinking about it gives me the hebbie jebbies. And, this social anxiety not only has an impact on me. I used to be the planner and could plan a party on a minute's notice. I was even going to go into event planning as a career. But now, I don't want to plan anything. All I want is to be with a few friends at a time. When I am in a group larger than four, I freeze up. It takes an enormous amount of effort for me to even be in groups larger that that, let alone function normally in one. However, when I get in smaller groups, I can't shut up. I think that all my conversation saves itself for those times.